In my last post, I talked about how I shared in the night life at a recent conference on a Monday night following a presentation I did on The Curse of the Capable and “changing your story”, so that you can live in better balance with vibrant health and peace of mind while achieving even your most ambitious life goals.
Here I am with my good friend Cindy McCormick who introduced me to the organization I spoke at.
Ironically, after just giving a talk on “story” and how your stories affect your lifestyle just hours before, I strangely, and highly unusually, did the opposite of what I know would have worked allot better in the night ahead. Maybe it was the beautiful women at the table 
. Here’s what I do know, when it was time to make the decision about how I was going to handle Monday night, I let other people’s stories over rule my own and here it is on Wednesday and I’m still paying the price.
As I got up to catch my plane back to Jersey Tuesday morning, on 2.5 hours of sleep, I was grateful that I had prepared for a social night, but the truth is, and while I’m not beating myself up much at all, I am also not thrilled with the decision I made to extend my night out.
Here’s how the experience unfolded.
After a well planned and delivered day, I knew I had a few hours to socialize before I had to get to sleep Monday night because a) it was a Monday night (normally, I speak later in the week with time to recover if I stay out) b) I had to get up at 4:00 am to catch a plane back to Jersey, and c) it was the start of the peak performance period of my week which is Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and d) I had a 12:00 pm meeting on Tuesday to start, an hour after I got off the plane with the leader of a national organization I am part of called The Mankind Project.
So, I went out until about 9, and was ready to go back to my hotel room, when the group I was with, asked if I would like to go to dinner and out for a few drinks. Right there was where I needed to make some key lifestyle decisions in line with my objectives and goals.
Sure, it was one of the few times I was in New Orleans recently, and I had GREAT company to hang with, but going was not a good decision and one that I knew I would pay for big time.
First, I had a great time in downtown New Orleans that included a fine dinner at the famous Arnauds’ Restaurant, where at least 5 Presidents have eaten along with a who’s who list of celebrities, and a few rounds with new friends around the Carousel Bar at The Hotel Monteleone.
But looking back would I have stayed out for the second half of the night knowing I had to leave the Hotel at 4:00 for a 7 o’clock flight? HECK NO! I would have been grateful for the time I had with my new friends and carried on, and probably thought about how I could have planned for such an event better; but because of the way things were already set up, staying out wasn’t in the cards that night.
But noooo.
That’s not how things played as I made a lifestyle 101 error.
I listened to the people around me, who said basically “your only in New Orleans once, c’mon…”. As if I am only going to be in New Orleans once. Now I love that they wanted me to come, love and do not fault them. That’s not the point here, they did exactly what I would have wanted which was to ask me to join them and I am grateful for that. But, this was my responsibility, they don’t know my situation only I do, and they certainly they would have understood.
In a Performance Lifestyle, if I was going to have that experience on a Monday night without the negative consequences, then I would have needed to plan for it, so that there was enough recovery time, and I hadn’t planned for that. It’s one thing when you’re 20 with little responsibility and seemingly unlimited stored vitality, but I fit in neither of those categories so this was careless spontaneity.
I can already hear the spontaneity worshipers saying “He’s a stiff“, but nothing could be further from the truth.
So here I am today, reconciling my experience.
Unlike any other lifestyle skill, the skill to keep your story straight and supportive is invaluable, especially when we face circumstances that are not “usual” for us, and outside our normal lifestyle routines, that require we make all kinds of adjustments in order to compensate. This requires some resiliency and emotional fortitude as does all change and that can only be gained when you ground your new story in experience.
That I know how to control my internal story teller from generating stories about “how I shouldn’t have done that“, “I’m going to hit the wall“, “I fell off my diet“, “here we go again” etc, the types of stories you hear from someone who doesn’t know “the lifestyle”, is reinforcing my peace of mind, despite feeling really lousy today.
That I have a blog like PerformanceLifestyle.com to metabolize my experience and get clear helps me move forward in a position of strength. This was all a great experience and now, what I am grounding in experience is how I handle the aftermath and prepare for when I face that situation again. That too, is “Performance Lifestyle”.
Staying out cost me most of Tuesday, and still on Wednesday I am feeling the loss of performance and that balanced and healthy function I’m used to. As I said, if it had been a Thursday or Friday night and not the eve of the peak of my week, I would have let the night play on, and maybe even still if I could have slept in until at least 9:00, but in retrospect, it was not a good decision to stay out the second half of the night.
I had a great time, and because it’s past, I wouldn’t change a thing; but it is a reminder to me, why 90% of the time, “the lifestyle” mindset and skill set serves me incredibly well. I’m glad that I have other aspects of my lifestyle that are helping me through this experience by minimizing the consequences. Yeah, there are some trade offs when making smart lifestyle decisions, and I like to have fun like the best of them, but I don’t think I made the right decision here, now that I am grounded in the experience of nearly two peak performance days lost due to being tired and the fun that would have come with them to boot. Being tired when you need to perform is not fun in my book.
Today, I feel great inside (a hallmark of a Performance Lifestyle, regardless of how you feel on the outside) knowing my experience in New Orleans was time well spent with good people. It was intense peak performance period that I had prepared for and enjoyed. But like any major event, a period of recovery follows; in this case an unusually long one.
Lifestyle training really pays off during times like these.
What decision would you have made?
Share your thoughts.
I must say I am a bit surprised by your decision to stay out so LATE. You are (by your own admission NOT 20 anymore). Back then we could stay out all night and sleep all day the next day and go back out again. Thats all history.
Since I have known you, you have been talking, teaching and tellilng me all about Performance Lifestyle and how to manage my energy and productivity.
So while I will say I am surprised at your decisions and discoveries this weekend, I am also surprised by mine.
I went to visit my friend Lisa in Harvard, Mass at her 1850 landmark home, stylishing adorning eclectic french chabby chic furnishings. Beautiful floral and vegetable gardens topped off the relaxing experience I had. I simply allowed myself to just be and just rest. It was exhillarating and awesome! The big shift that I made from my current behavior was to stay true to the fact that I NEEDED TO REST – I went for the weekend with that intention. Even though I was in a new place and wanted to experience and explore, we just hung out. IWe woke up with the sunlight at 6 am and went for an invigorating walk and we went to bed by 9 pm so we could wake up early again.. Lisa reinterated the old phrase,,,”Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise”. She reminded me of that at least 3 times during the weekend. I must say I returned home very well rested and I am so proud of the fact that I was able to experience this different way of being. In the past I may have stayed up all night and wanted to go out just to be sure I didn’t miss anything. I felt no sacrifice or regret here for having focused on maintaining a lifestyle that supported me.
So thanks for teaching me all the good stuff JOHN.. It really works when you put the Performance LIfestyle skills to work – and thanks for teaching me to manage my energy. It really works. Now I am going to sit back in my relaxed state and watch as you handle the aftermath of missing nearly a full night sleep.
“Live while you’re alive, sleep when you’re dead.” It was my motto in college and why I never missed a party (and BTW still got a 4.0 GPA my last year at school). It’s also how I live my life now — sort of.
I enjoy experiences and people. And if I am in a situation like you were where I had an opportunity to connect with some excellent people in a beautiful/historic/fun/interesting location, I’d jump at the chance every time.
However, after learning from you about Performance Lifestyle, I realize there are a few things to be aware of and plan for.
For example, any time I go to a speaking event, I plan time to interact with the people at that event. I plan to visit the city and enjoy myself while I am there. For me it’s about the people and experiences and I want that.
Therefore I work time into my schedule when I arrive home so I do not have meetings or phone calls for the 1/2 day right after an event. If know I’ll arrive home late from traveling in the evening, I have my assistant clear my schedule for the morning after so I can wake up slowly (or as slowly as my kids will let me!), take time to unpack, catch up, and just breathe. If I’m traveling in the morning, I clear my afternoon schedule so I don’t have to feel rushed from the airport, worry about traffic, and show up flustered to a meeting.
It’s such a fun and rewarding way to travel.
So maaaaybe the next time you find yourself at an event on the weekend, you might consider altering your Monday schedule. If you didn’t have the big meeting on Monday afternoon, you could have come home and napped!.(I love naps!)
Planning my schedule this way helps me a LOT! I feel less stress and happier all around because I had fun and got to have the time I needed to recover after.
Hi John:
I feel terrible.
If I had known earlier that you had a flight at 4:00am, and an early meeting the next day, I never would have put you in that awkward positon. I just assumed you were staying overnight (at least I thought that was what you had told me?). You and I are old friends, and you know that I certainly would have understood.
What I do need to post here, is that It turns out that going out was not a smart decision for me either. I had an early presentation the next day, and I felt awful when I woke up. I had to get up at 6:00am to make changes to a presentation, and was so zoned out that I did not save the changes. I then went through major panic attack when I got into the room to set-up, and I had to make the changes all over again, ten minutes before we were scheduled to speak. I managed to pull it all off, but the adreneline rush made me feel worse, and I felt like I had let my co-presenters down. I was surprised that I was able to pull off the presentation being in that state.
In any event, I did at least, make the right decisions my first two-nights down there, so I feel good about that. It truly is hard to keep your story straight when you are faced with a lifestyle where your schedule is constantly changing, as well as your living situation. This definitely does require “resiliency and emotional fortitude”.
Thanks for sharing your stories John Allen and Rosie.
I think one of the greatest things about Performance Lifestyle is that we’re always learning about what it takes to keep us well – And the second greatest thing is that our choices give us plenty of reason to chuckle when we do things that we know fully well are going to throw us out of balance for a little while… ah, the “joys” of being human….
Let’s see in the case of New Orleans, it’s easy to sit back and wax poetic about the Performance Lifestyle principles and what I would have done if I were in your shoes. But the fact is, I probably would have done the same thing…what am I saying? I have done the same thing!
When I was in Barcelona a couple of years ago, I had gone into my first international presentation without a lot of sleep (between the flight, and getting settled and jitters, and not enough time to relax before the workshop) so I pretty much gave the most workshop of my life on pure adrenaline – something I have not done since (by the way). Anyway, the workshop itself required a lot of energy investment – since I’m an introvert – and then I had to catch a very long flight back and teach a full schedule the day after I got home. So, if things had gone like I had them on paper, I would have had time to rest before launching back into my “normal routine”, after the trip. But things did not go as planned.
After the workshop a group of women invited me out for tappas and drinks and well, I was only in Barcelona once – so instead of even taking a quick nap, I showered and got dressed and went out with them and ended up sitting down in a little restaurant over looking the sun setting over the ocean and – had the time of my life… Even though I seldom drink alchohol, one of the women ordered a round of apple schnopps for the table and well, enough said. I was, after all, only in Barcelona once with this group of people at this time, with this particular sunset – and sunrise
Let’s face it, some moments are just plain worth dragging your tired butt around for the next few days.
The only thing I may have done differently if I had gone to NOLA is that I like to think I would have pre-planned more time into the week’s schedule when I got back from the major event. This is probably more likely for me since I’m an introvert and so I have plenty of experience to tell me that events like your trip to NOLA drain me – instead of energizing me.
My thought is that if I had enjoyed the night out, I would have been thinking to go straight through into the next day instead of trying to rest between things….my reasoning for that is that my energy peaks at 4-6 am and wanes at 4-6 pm pretty reguarly. So if I had blown through my normal sleep period the night before, I probably would have ridden my natural energy wave early in the morning and then cleared my schedule so that I would rest as long as needed when my next energy lull occurred, anticipating it probably would be earlier than usual, given the strain of the night before. I most likely would also be thinking about whether, or how, I could thin out my schedule for the week ahead in order to get more rest-time in – but sometimes that just can’t be done without sacrificing other important goals – so, as you probably have done, I’d be alert to ways to support myself with nourishment and rest in carrying out the “must-do” responsibilities of the week.
Is this the best way to live? Definitely not. But the strategy works well for me when those once-in-a-llifetime moments come around.
This reminds me of something that happened a couple of week ago when I enjoyed an overnight in the Berkshires. I was visiting Kripalu. There I was sitting quietly overlooking a lake nestled in the mountain when an instructor there positioned his whole group of young students just a few yards behind me. I heard him say to them, “We’re here to learn to live, right? Let’s do it!” and the next thing you know, they practiced releasing their tension by yelling out over the expansive silent scene.
Wow, that left an impression – to say the least. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking that the instruction given to the group captures a piece of the heart of Performance Lifestyle that is so important to remember – we’re living by this set of principles so that we – more often than not – enjoy a balanced, happy, loving, healthy and productive life. The Lifestyle enables us to plunge into these once-in-a-lifetime moments knowing the consequences and also knowing that we have the skills, strength and resiliency to restore ourselves when we do periodically “take the plunge” so that we can get back into our normal routines and responsibilities without becoming overwhelmed or unproductively stressed.
Is plunging into these moments with wreckless abandon, a healthy lifestyle? Definitely not. But doing it every once in a great while when truly rare once-in-a-lifestime moments present themselves – in my opinion – is just plain good for the soul.
In the case of Rosie’s weekend, there just ain’t nothing wrong with that! Good friends relaxing together and watching each other’s back in terms of getting healthy and enjoying some restorative R&R. Bravo!
It’s fun to see how Performance Lifestyle ideas and principles takes so many different forms as we apply them to our particular lives – whever we are.
No doubt, the beauty in a Performance Lifestyle is that there is always the preparation, the act and the recovery, and that in this case I excelled in the recovery.
I think the key point for me, was my acknowledgment of the situation and that I was enjoying it and the company
, but that if I had to do it all over again, I would have set it up so that I would have more time to accommodate an extended social opportunity.
Reflecting back on it, and my week, I would have not gone out for the second half of the night based not on what I would have wanted, or anything other, than I had already set the night up with a different plan.
That was the issue.
Staying consistent with my plan in this case would have had a much better outcome. Nonetheless, it’s was still good but costly for me during the week.
Next time I’ll set it up differently.
JAM