Healthy High Achiever Blog

Now doesn’t that sound narcissistic!

A couple of years ago, I would have had that point of view. I would have never said anything like that… that was for those "spiritual" people who aren’t focused on success.

I was a high achiever…

Little did I know that I didn’t love myself, much at all; which really meant, I wasn’t self accepting. No wonder I didn’t feel whole.

In retrospect, no wonder I felt shame. No wonder I avoided so many things. No wonder, I wasn’t in touch with my feelings, had difficulty with intimacy, and was driven to seek love and respect on the outside and in ways that drove me further into the downward trend. Not just energetically, but emotionally and spiritually too. No wonder I was addicted to performance, and obsessed with exercise. I was spiritually bankrupt.

Do you love yourself?

I am asking you this today for a reason. Because progress around managing your personal energy, diet, fitness, working out, performing, looking and feeling better, goal achievement etc, will always be a struggle if you are being driven by shame, those scenes of the crime that reinforced it and continue to do so. 

Shame can bind your thoughts, feeling, needs and drives (Ref: John Bradshaw) and distort your thinking in countless ways. It makes everything a struggle.

It’s not surprising how much of the diet and fitness industry covertly knows this, and leads you with shame-based vocabulary, concepts and approaches to "wellness", health and fitness. Its all about keeping you stuck, "sticking" to stuff. It reinforces perfectionism and sets you up to fail and repeat the cycle. That’s good for that business, but usually not for you.

I was never a proponent of that shame-based approach. I knew intuitively what it was designed to do and I wanted no part of it. But I must admit, my own sense of self was so fragile, that I could rarely deal with the underlying issues myself, much less with clients. It was all about the external stuff.

You can only identify and work through that which you have identified and worked through yourself so to speak.

Reflecting on it, I can see why it was so much harder for me to coach, than it was for me to train. It was easy for me to deliver a message and direct others, but difficult to lead people through self discovery, which underlies every aspect of your lifestyle.

How can you lead people through self discovery, when you haven’t discovered yourself to a point that gives you that confidence. For  years now, I have been working on this. It has been challenging and liberating and today I can say, I know what it means to say, "I love myself". It has new meaning because it represents a new level of awareness.

"I love myself" isn’t some feel-good sort of affirmation. It can be that if you want it to be and avoid doing the work, but if you learn more of what it really means it can influence your present moment and your life.

I would like to share some of that meaning with you, right now.

It means to accept all parts of yourself. (Yes, even that haunting voice talking in your head as you read this).

You have many selves, those you identify with and those that you have split off, out of shame and pain. If you don’t learn to accept them, and work with them in your life, peace of mind is a forgone thought and energy depletion, poor lifestyle, and it’s physical manifestation are virtually guaranteed.

As you try to avoid the negative consequences of that state of being, you will be driven a little crazy by a band of energy thieves who are chasing you down. Healthy High Achievers, are not driven this way. These are not the drives we want if we’re going to achieve our goals successfully.

Let me know your thoughts… this conversation is paramount.

John Allen Mollenhauer is the Founder of Performance Lifestyle Solutions, the better healthier ways to achieve your goals in life, business and sport. As a former worn down workaholic turned healthy high achiever John Allen (aka “JAM”) will teach you how to Live Like a Pro, optimizing your lifestyle the way athletes do. He is the creator of the Healthy High Achiever - Unleash the Full Potential of Your Lifestyle to Perform, Look and Feel Better!